1) Add more appearance description on the host mother. And the conversation with host mother and kitchen, please pick a specific thing to write so that to show how she inspires me.

2) In the second paragraph from bottom, you don’t need to separate to a separate paragraph. Just put on the 4th paragraph, and remember to mention he brought me to the wedding at the end!

3) Separate the 4th paragraph. One for host mother, and one for host father

Grab BEST Deal Ever.